Printed from www.nzmeccano.com
Dear Mrs Spanner
(Author: Rod Socket)
Survival techniques for the Meccanoman's wife
Dear Mrs Spanner,
So, your husband’s behaviour lately has you worried – you think he must be having a mid-life crisis? You have seen some tell-tale signs; like when you prepared a romantic, candle-lit supper for two to celebrate your wedding anniversary, and he went missing. And you eventually found him upstairs playing with toys! He had forgotten all about your date – he was totally absorbed in adjusting the differential on a Rough Terrain Fork Lift. You are beginning to think that he would rather play with his Meccano than share an intimate evening with you. Oh my! But, you know, while there’s no denying that this sounds extremely serious, Mrs Spanner, all is not lost, there are things you can do and, quite frankly, the situation could be much worse.
So there’s a loud clunking sound when you vacuum his hobby space? Not to worry, it’s probably just a gaggle of migratory M4s. And there’s a very easy answer. Get your husband to vacuum his own space – or at least make him empty the vacuum bag (out in the garage, of course). And if he wants to reclaim his washers he can always poke around in the dust bag with a magnet. If you
What? He wants to use your brand-new oven to bake his re-sprayed plates and girders? This is a really tricky one. The best I can suggest here is to try the bargaining technique. Get him to thoroughly clean your oven racks, if necessary with a toothbrush and Brillo pad (though maybe you should wait until they are heavily encrusted with
Asking for it
And now he wants to fork out 1000s for yet another Set 10? Just how many Set 10s does a mid-life crisis man need? But, you know Mrs S, you can turn even this rather grave situation to your own advantage, quite easily. For now is the
Then he wants you to accompany him to another Meccano Show? Well, to be honest, Mrs S, this one is fairly
In the know
All this may help you to survive day-to-day incidents. But you might also give some long-term consideration to the many benefits of having a Meccano-mad husband. After all, he is just a boy at heart, and at least he is harmlessly absorbed in miniature nuts and bolts, rather than pushing lit fireworks through the neighbours’ letterboxes. And if you could bring yourself to learn a little about it all, showing even a modicum of interest, he will be deeply impressed, and, who knows, it could even result in rekindled romance. Wikipedia, amongst one or two other topics, has a lot of useful tidbits about mechanics. There you can learn all about Crankshafts and Torsion Bar Suspension; about Contra-Rotators and Ackermann Steering. It might even be able to unravel the difference between a Blocksetter and a Hammerhead. Try it, and I’m sure it will turn his head, and it will dawn on him, at last, that he has married a most amazing woman. He may even begin bringing you flowers again.
Of course, one real advantage of having a Meccanoman for a husband is that you never have to puzzle endlessly over what to give him for Christmas. Slippers and underpants cannot begin to compete with a gift of Meccano. And it doesn’t have to be a Set 10. But please be aware of the
Best of all though, in being married to a Meccanoman, is that you have the reassuring comfort of knowing exactly where he is all the time. Imagine if his mid-life crisis led him instead to the golf course or to fishing. He would hardly ever be at home, and you could never be sure of what he was really up to while he was out. For all you know, he might be running after the serving wench at the Dog and Duck. And that would never do.
So in the end, Mrs Spanner, I’m sure you will agree, being married to a Meccanoman actually has its compensations.
With due acknowledgement to Mr Frank Beadle who had the original idea for this gag, published in the October 1980 Meccano Magazine. And with heartfelt appreciation to all our tolerant and long-suffering Meccano Wives – God bless ‘em.
(*aka Stan Knight, Ancient Brit, now domiciled [with forbearing wife], in the Meccano Wilderness of Idaho, USA.)
czmytzexvy (at 4:52am, Mon 17th Dec, 12)
Gertie (at 9:58pm, Wed 12th Dec, 12)
You write so honestly about this. Thanks for siahrng!